Need to Vent

I have learned that when I am frustrated about something it is best for me to to write about it. Don't judge me or think "she has no reason to complain". I think everyone no matter what their circumstances have a right to vent and complain sometimes. Just not all the time.

I feel like I have no control over my house. I will spend and entire day cleaning and by the next afternoon it is destroyed again. The laundry is never done, more like always a month behind. The dishwasher is always full with 2 loads waiting to be washed. I wake up everyday feeling like I am repeating the day before. Groundhog Day? I have tried implementing a schedule: Monday laundry, Tuesday mop, Wednesday more laundry and vacuum, etc. etc. but it doesn't help. I find myself getting even more stressed because if I don't accomplish the daily LIST, I beat myself up.

I try so hard to just let things go and not worry so much about things being clean. I have gotten better and I do not feel like things have to be perfect. How can it with four kids age six and under? But I have a slight problem. I LIKE things to be organized and tidy. I feel a sense of accomplishment and success if my house looks clean. Why??? Who knows. No one sees it but us. And I am very blessed to have a husband that could care less what the house looks like. I use to think I was OCD. But I finally discovered that isn't possible because I am a slob!!! (shhhhh, don't tell anyone.) You would think that since I am messy, I wouldn't be bothered by the un-organization and clutter. But it drives me NUTS.

Everyday I pray to God to help me embrace the mess and focus on the kids. It is so hard to do. I have to force myself to stop all the chores and long list of to do's and spend quality time with the kids. I know it is a balance and truly an art for a stay at home mother, but I have yet to master it. I pray one day I will or God will answer my prayers and I will learn to LOVE the messes. And as every older wise woman tells me, enjoy them while their young. It will be the best time of your life. Now if only I can believe that and live it!!!